You CAN Transcend Anything!
Monday, February 8, 2010 11:08By Ellen Brown
Although the conversation took place more than a decade ago, I remember it like it happened yesterday. I was slumped on the sofa in my therapist’s office, telling her about my latest and most horrifying memory of child sexual abuse that had bubbled up. And suddenly I couldn’t stop sobbing. I mean, I literally couldn’t catch my breath, because I was crying so hard.
The message that kept looping through my mind was “I can’t deal with this. I’m never going to get over this.” This new memory of abuse, which I won’t describe here, had been the goriest by far, and I truly couldn’t see a way through the pain to the other side. I felt like a caged tiger. Unable to escape the pain.
After sobbing my way through several tissues, I took a deep breath and glanced over at my therapist, Susan, who was inching her chair closer to mine. When she was so close that our knees were almost touching, she said to me, in the most lovingly powerful way, “You WILL heal. You WILL get through this.”
“How do you know?” I demanded. “You can’t know that for sure?”
“I can feel it in the depths of me,” she said, holding my gaze. “I can feel it in my bones. I can see it happening.”
Maybe I was desperate. Maybe I was naïve. Maybe I simply needed to hear what she was saying. But I believed her. Immediately and whole-heartedly.
Susan was right. I did find a way through my pain to the other side. I DID heal and transcend the abuse.
Sometimes, when we are thrashing around in deep water, we can’t imagine how we will possibly make it to the shore. And we need to be in the presence of someone who can believe in us until we can believe in ourselves. Susan was that person for me, through some of my darkest times.
Today, as a life transitions coach, I am honored to be that someone for MY clients. I truly believe that with the right support and the right tools, we CAN transcend anything we’re facing!
Are you a survivor in the advanced stages of healing who like to thrive rather than just survive? Or could you use some support as you are navigating another difficult life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website to learn more about my coaching services or to sign up for a coaching package that’s right for you: http://www.wellnessjourneys.com/blog/life-transitions-coaching/
Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach in Cleveland, Ohio who works with clients, by phone, all over the country, to help them overcome their challenges with courage, hope and optimism.
Janet Vanderhoof says:
February 8th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Very nice blog Ellen, Thank you for being vulnerable enough to reveal your past so others will find healing. I do believe that you can help others believe in themselves. Sometimes we need someone to believe in us for a while until we have strength to believe in ourselves.
Dan Hays says:
February 11th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Ellen -
Wow! What a powerful post and sharing. I can feel the pain you were in at the therapist’s office in your writing! What an amazing testimony to the hope of moving beyond that depth of pain! Thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably with us about that!
Greg Balanko-Dickson says:
February 18th, 2010 at 7:12 am
I have found that choosing to not focus on the pain and making a decision to “release” it and then “receive” healing, peace or whatever the universe has for me is how I move forward.
Connie Vasquez (@LaConsuelo) says:
February 24th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Thank you for what it took to share that. There’s something about those “gut wrenching” sobs – when we allow them to be really full-out feral – when they can become soul shifting. I find when I let that all out, in the midst of thinking “I can’t take this any more” – a little voice starts to rise up and say “yes, you can” and I begin to allow myself to consider “well, if I could – how would I do it?” and that’s when the real transformation happens. Beautiful, courageous post.
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker says:
March 31st, 2010 at 1:11 am
Greg, I hope that you way of healing works for you. My only way to let go of the pain was to feel it as Ellen did in her post. I stuffed my pain for so many years and denied that it was affecting me. What I got for my efforts were emotional temper tantrums when the pressure became so much that I couldn’t stuff any more anger. I have compared it to a pressure cooker that blew its safety valve and to a volcano erupting hot lava all over those around me. I had to learn healthy ways of dealing with my anger rather than stuffing it. My anger always was a cover up for my fears. My biggest fear was that you would find out who I was inside—a broken, damaged incest survivor. I was afraid that you would blame me for the incest. I was afraid that you would abandon me if you knew the real me. The only way out of all of that was to grieve all of the losses of being an abused child. For me, it wasn’t as easy as just making a decision to do it.
Ellen, thanks for sharing your journey and for being vulnerable.
Ellen Brown says:
March 31st, 2010 at 7:08 am
Thanks for sharing, Patricia. Anger is such a common response to the abuse, and understandably so. I felt my share for many years, and it definitely came out in inappropriate way, oftentimes toward the people I loved most. Like you, I believe that the way “over” is through!