Stepping Stones

By Ellen Brown

Anger. It’s a common reaction to job loss, and while there are those who may tell you to ignore your anger or push it away, in my experience it’s the people who do just that who are most likely to lose control or let their anger leak out in a job interview.

Allow me to explain. Several months ago, I was working with a coaching client named Randy (not his real name) who had been laid off from a job he loved at a large accounting firm. When I talked to him, several months after being laid off, and asked him how he was dealing, emotionally, with losing his job, he said he was “fine” and “totally over that.”

After I probed a little deeper, however, Randy admitted that he was still angry at his boss for letting him go from a job that had given him a great deal of enjoyment through the years. Although Randy was a successful accountant who had received consistently positive performance reviews at his last position, when it came to his job search, he was running into barriers.

In gently questioning him about what was happening, it became clear that Randy’s anger was getting in his way, during job interviews. When prospective employers asked him how he got along with his last supervisor, Randy had trouble deciding what to say. “The truth is I hate him,” he told me one day. While Randy never said as much, in a job interview, he admitted that he’d sometimes say things that weren’t terribly positive about his former boss. Oftentimes, he’d sail through the first interview, without a problem, but by the second and third interviews, when he’d let his guard down, he’d let little zingers slip out. Or he’d notice that there was hint of sharpness in his voice as he described the working relationship that he and his former boss had shared.

When I asked Randy if he’d ever talked to anyone about how he felt about losing his job, he dismissed the idea with the wave of his hand. “Talking’s not going to solve anything. I just need to find a new job. Then I’ll feel better.”

Randy’s reaction was a common one. Our culture tells us to “get over it” and “move on.” But when we are so fixated on “moving on” that we don’t take time to grieve our losses, it can come back to haunt us.

That was happening to Randy. His anger was slipping out in subtle ways in job interviews, and the people he was speaking with were picking up on his attitude. And when employers have the choice of hiring an angry person versus someone who’s content, guess what? They’ll choose the happy one.

Once Randy was willing to talk with me about the anger and pain he was feeling, he fared much better in job interviews. Over time, he let go of his grudge and forgave his former supervisor, and when last we spoke, he’d landed a new job he enjoyed even more than his previous position.

Before he was able to “move on,” though, he needed to process his feelings with someone he trusted. That is often the case whether you’re  dealing with job loss or the loss of a loved one or any other life transition. Because before we’re ready for a new beginning, we must move through our feelings.

So, what about you – do you still harbor angry feelings toward your former employer?

How would your life be different if you were able to work through those feelings?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment here on Stepping Stones by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, OH.