By Ellen Brown

Do you believe in the pursuit of happiness? Or do you believe that happiness will always be beyond your reach, if you search it out?

While I personally believe that happiness is an attitude, rather than a destination, I think there are steps we can take everyday to feel happier. Of course, these steps will be different for each of us, because we are all so different, and what makes me happy may make you miserable, and vice versa.

I’ve been interested in the topic of happiness for some time now, and earlier this year, I was captivated by The Happiness Project by bestselling author Gretchen Rubin. The book chronicles the year-long journey of Rubin, as she tested out the advice of such happiness experts, philosophers and spiritual leaders as positive psychology guru Martin Seligman, Oprah, Samuel Johnson, and the Dalai Lama, who have suggested everything from keeping a gratitude journal to being in the moment, to daily meditation to simplifying your life and so much more. In the end, Rubin came to believe that you truly can boost your happiness, but doing so takes time and determination and experimentation. She also learned that happiness is a very individual pursuit. So just because something such as meditation makes others happy, it doesn’t guarantee that that certain something will bring YOU happiness.

I loved that Rubin admitted from the get-go that she was pretty happy, in general, but believed she should be happier, given the fortunate circumstances of her life. I also loved the fact that she didn’t embark on a year-long adventure set apart from the worldly pleasures of her life: she stayed right where she was in New York City, with her husband and her two young children. Because she wanted to learn to be happier right where she was and wanted to boost her happiness threshold before she was faced one day with the sort of adversity we’ll all inevitably face in life, whether it’s the death of a loved one or a friend with a terminal illness or something far more daunting.

At the end of her book and stay-at home-adventure, Rubin challenges all of us to start our very own Happiness Projects, and that’s exactly what I plan to do on January 1, with the help of Rubin’s handy Happiness Project Toolbox website: http://www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com/  Her free “toolbox” offers eight simple tools to help you construct your own project and begin boosting your happiness today. My personal Happiness Project is going to be my happy alternative to New Year’s Resolutions, which have rarely, if ever, worked for me.

The truth is that I’d planned to start my Happiness Project earlier this year, but the project got put on hold when my Mom became ill in January, and slowly declined, finally dying in July. As you might imagine, it was a tremendously emotional time, and throughout the year, I often wondered if it would have been helpful to have had a Happiness Project in place before my Mom’s decline. Though I’ll never, of course, know, my hunch is that taking conscious steps to boost my happiness, beforehand, could have served as a healthy buffer during what was one of the most painful and miraculous and transformational times in my life.

Since reading The Happiness Project, I’ve recommended the book to many of my coaching clients, who are dealing with difficult transitions such as job loss, chronic illnesses, or the death of a loved one. I’ve also suggested that they consider starting their own Happiness Projects, because more than ever, I’m convinced that finding a way to bring more enjoyment into our lives can have huge benefits. I truly believe that happiness and inner peace are worth pursuing whether you’re on top of the world, or you’re facing the Tsunami of your life.

I’d love to hear what you have to say about the pursuit of happiness. And if you’ve already started a Happiness Project or are considering launching one, I’d appreciate hearing about your experience. Please leave a comment, here on Stepping Stones.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH. Visit her website at http://ellen-brown.com

By Ellen Brown

In our culture, we’re taught – subtly or not so subtly – that certain emotions are better than others. Joy is “good.” Anger and sadness are “bad.” Guilt is pointless. And shame is, well, shameful, and best swept under the bed.

Often, these emotional dos and don’ts are reinforced by our families, when we’re growing up. Our parents might have told us that “boys don’t cry” or hissed “I’ll give you something to be sad about” from time to time.

Given those circumstances, it’s no surprise that we sometimes stuff those feelings we’ve been told are “bad.” But when we do, those feelings often reappear in the form of physical symptoms such as stomach aches or insomnia. Worse yet, they may lead to chronic conditions such as heart disease or cancer.

Or sometimes, those feelings leak out in inappropriate ways, because let’s face it: they’re always seeking a target, whether it’s someone from the past who wronged us or someone in the here and now we love with all our heart. I’ve seen this not so pretty leakage occur in my own life, and in the lives of my coaching clients, whether they’re moving onto a new job or a new relationship.

When we don’t release the feelings associated with our losses, whether we’ve been laid off or we’re dealing with the death of our spouse or significant other, we carry those feelings into that next phase of our life and often heap them onto someone new or familiar. And that is NOT a loving way of moving through life …

So I’m here to tell you that when you’re dealing with any kind of loss it is SO important to feel and release all of your feelings, whether you’re experiencing sadness or anger or guilt or regret or any other emotion that bubbles to the surface. As far as I’m concerned, there aren’t any “bad” feelings. Some feelings may feel more comfortable than others. But feelings aren’t “good” or “bad.” They just are.

When we give feelings their time in the sun, acknowledging them, expressing them, and releasing them, they move through us, instead of getting stuck inside and gunking up our lives.

In case you’re thinking “yeah this all sounds great but how do I do that,” here are some ideas:

• Talk it out – Find someone you can trust, whether that’s a close friend who can listen, without judgment, or a trusted therapist or coach.
• Write it out – Journaling about how you’re feeling can go a long way toward acknowledging and releasing your feelings. Of course, “journaling” is one of those words with many meanings, so what I mean by journaling is sitting down with a notebook daily (or several times a week), getting quiet, tuning into your feelings and writing about what you’re feeling, without censoring or editing your words. To help you get started, ask yourself, “how or what am I feeling right now?”
• Act it out – Sometimes, emotion calls for taking action. And for the record, I’m talking about taking action in a safe and reasonable way. Expressing your anger can be a positive experience. But not when you’re hurting yourself or someone else! Some possible ways of expressing or releasing your anger include going for a run or a brisk walk, writing a letter to the person you’re angry at (just because you write it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to send it), playing tennis or handball, closing the windows in your home or car (while it’s parked) and screaming at the top of your lungs, or simply allowing yourself to cry when you’re feeling sad.

As always, there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. The point is to find some healthy ways of expressing and releasing your feelings that work for you.

I’d love to hear what you have to say about the ideas in this blog post. Please leave a comment here on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

Lately, I’ve been hankering to try something new. To experiment. To explore. To get out more. This all makes perfect sense since I haven’t had much time or energy to play in the past year, a year that began with the slow decline and death of my father-in-law last August and ended with the passing of my mom in July.

During that time, I didn’t have much energy or a whole lot of time to get out and have fun.  But today, while I am still grieving my losses, I’ve lately noticed a stirring within to try something new. And it feels kind of exciting. Like the way it felt years ago in the fall, when school started, and the air smelled crisp and full of possibilities.

Thankfully, life is serendipitous, so when I started thinking about how it would be nice to get out more, a friend of mine told me about a new book club that’s forming next month. I also heard about a study group that’s centered around the spiritual teachings of Eckhart Tolle and his book, the Power of Now. Though my husband and I have only attended the group a few times, we already feel at home there.

I don’t pretend to be “over” the loss of my loved ones, and I still carry plenty of Kleenex for those weepy moments that seem to spring out of nowhere, when I hear a sad song or smell a familiar scent of perfume that reminds me of my mom. But I’m feeling more hopeful and energetic. And ready to try something new. And for that I’m grateful.

How about YOU? Have you found it helpful to try something new when you’re dealing with loss?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment here on Stepping Stones by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

Do you ever feel like you’re just getting by in life? Surviving, rather than thriving?

I certainly felt that way many years ago, and last week, I “sat down” with my friends Dan Hays and Stash Serafin to discuss the topic of thriving (opposed to surviving) on our Blog Talk Radio show, Dialogues with Dignity.

After our roundtable discussion last week, I started thinking about how I’d been able to thrive after spending many years healing from child sexual abuse. Because it wasn’t quite clear to me, and there certainly wasn’t some magical line I crossed over from victim to survivor to thriver. Yet somehow I DID transcend my past; there is no denying it.

So how did I make that shift? I’ve found many tools for thriving along my journey, but one of the big things is  that I spent several years processing the feelings that bubbled after the memories of abuse surfaced. I cried. I raged. I told and retold my “story” countless times to therapists and groups and even to total strangers, at one point, I’m embarrassed to admit. Until I was sick and tired of that story. Bored of telling it, bored of hearing it and sick of blaming others for the circumstances of my life.

I can’t remember if the boredom set in gradually or not. But I do remember attending a healing workshop one day, years ago, and hearing myself , once more, relate the story of how I had been abused when I was young in great detail. Then, something shifted inside, and it suddenly felt as though my “true self” was witnessing the whole scene from a distance. I heard a voice inside say , “oh brother. Not again. This is sooooo boooorring….”

It was as though I could no longer stand describing myself that way. There was no denying that I had been abused. There was no denying that the abuse affected me in profound ways. But on that day, something shifted in me, and I refused to think of myself in that small and limiting way. While it was convenient for me to blame others —  including my mother – for hurting me and “ruining my life,” doing so was keeping me stuck. I’d allowed my story to keep me down in the dark abyss of despair. And I was tired of living down there. It was familiar, yes, but oh so dreary and oppressive.

That day, I felt a warmth starting in my abdomen and growing larger, swirling and pulsing. Hopeful and powerful. Urging me forward.

On that day, I promised myself that I’d never again use my “survivor label” as a badge of honor. I was a survivor, yes, but so much more than that, and I was tired of defining myself by that label. Tired of blaming the people in my life who had hurt me when I was young for my problems today. That day, I made a promise to myself to stop defining myself by what happened to me in my childhood and to take responsibility for my life. So I could thrive.

So, how about YOU? Are you surviving rather than thriving? Or have you found a way to thrive?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment, here, on Stepping Stones, by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

If you’d like to hear more about the benefits of thriving, check out one of our recent episodes of Dialogues with Dignity, in which we discuss that very topic:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dialogueswithdignity/2010/08/19/thriving-with-dignity

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

Dave Grier

Note: The story below is one in a series of articles I’m posting about people who have inspired me by overcoming life’s obstacles. I hope you find the story inspirational. It was originally published in Cleveland Clinic’s Transplant Center newsletter for patients and their families, and is reprinted here with the permission of Cleveland Clinic.

Although Dave Grier has dreamed of becoming a pilot, since he was a boy, for many years, the dream seemed out of range, first for financial reasons, then because of medical issues. But today, at the age of 51, Mr. Grier is more committed than ever to living his dream and is well on his way to achieving it. The student pilot passed ground school with flying colors, and completed his first solo flight in October.

Mr. Grier, who is a two-time recipient of liver and liver/kidney transplants, hopes to one day launch a non-profit organization that flies transplant patients to Cleveland for their surgery and follow-up appointments. While there are some nonprofits that already provide such services, none of the pilots on their crews are transplant recipients, and Mr. Grier believes it would be inspiring for transplant candidates and recipients to know that they are being transported by someone who has traveled a similar journey.

Mr. Grier, who received both transplants at Cleveland Clinic, the first in 1997 and the second in 2007, explains his journey as a pilot this way: “After my first transplant, I pretty much knew that I couldn’t get my medical clearance passed because I was a transplant patient, and the FAA has some pretty high standards.”  But after recovering from his second transplant in 2007, he had some time to think, and his dream of becoming a pilot kept rising to the surface. Maybe he COULD actually become a pilot, he thought. Once he was strong enough to leave his hospital room, he went down the hall and hopped on the Internet. After doing a little online research, he found that there WERE a number of transplant recipients who had become pilots.

Mr. Grier remembers returning to his room with a big grin, with the knowledge that achieving his dream WAS possible. A year later, after fully recovering from the surgery, he applied for medical clearance for becoming a pilot, and on July 16, 2008, he had his clearance in hand. To say he was happy is a great understatement. “I was going to do a cartwheel in the post office when I got the clearance in the mail, but I didn’t want to explain it to the police,” he says with a laugh.

Recently, he accumulated enough in-flight hours so he could begin flying solo. Before he is allowed to have passengers accompany him on flights, he will have to pass a couple more tests, a fact that doesn’t seem to faze him.

Mr. Grier says his dream of helping transplant patients keeps him on track, so does his desire “to pay it forward” after being the fortunate recipient of the gift of life (from organ donors), not once, but twice.

For years, he has been giving back in a variety of ways. Today, he serves on the board of directors for TRIO, and for a time, he was the volunteer coordinator for the Minority Organ and Tissue Education program, where he had the opportunity to share his story and talk about the importance of organ and tissue donation to children and adults.

He’s also volunteered for the past few years in Cleveland Clinic’s Transplant Center, where he meets with patients who are awaiting or recovering from transplants. Mr. Grier says he loves to see patients’ eyes light up when they realize he’s there to talk to them about his experience, as a transplant recipient. “When I tell patients I’ve had two transplants, I notice that their attitude changes,” he says. “A lot of times they sit up in bed and pay attention. I think it’s really important for patients to talk to people who have undergone transplants and recovered. And I love being able to be that someone.”

To read more about Dave Grier’s high-flying adventures, visit his blog, Transplanted Pilot, at http://transplantedpilot.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2010 Cleveland Clinic

Sign up for my newsletter with tips for dealing with your difficult life transitions and download a free mp3 to help you overcome insomnia at http://www.ellen-brown.com

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH, who works with clients all over the world by telephone and Skype.Dave Grier

By Ellen Brown

Have you ever noticed how your limiting beliefs sometimes stop you from pursuing new opportunities? I consider myself pretty open-minded, but I recently noticed how my OWN limiting beliefs were holding me back.

Luckily, it wasn’t the biggest deal in the world. For months, my husband, Jeff — who is also my web developer and SEO guy all rolled into one — had been nudging me to start a Facebook Fan Page. But I scoffed at the idea. Facebook is okay. But I’ve never been a huge, fan, no pun intended.

When I hang out on Facebook, I often feel like I’m killing time. Yacking about useless stuff. So when I considered the idea of sinking more time into something I didn’t really enjoy, the thought wasn’t all that appealing.

Then, the other day, we were working on updating my website, and Jeff said he’d read that Facebook was visited more frequently than Google and that having a Facebook Fan Page could really help with search engine optimization.

“Hey, why don’t we set up a Fan Page NOW?” he said. “It won’t take much time at all.” The idea, admittedly, didn’t excite me. But if it wasn’t going to take that much time and might help me connect with people and improve my Google rankings, I thought “why not.”

I couldn’t believe how quick and easy it was to set up the initial page (please join me here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ellen-Brown-Certified-Professional-Coach/347591665890 )

Even better? Before I knew it, I was actually having fun dreaming up new content to create and different ways I could connect with people dealing with difficult life transitions.

Though my page is still in its embryonic stages, I’m excited about my new venture and the endless possibilities to reach out to people and create a sense of community.

When I think about how much I resisted creating a fan page, how I was practically kicking and screaming until the very end, it makes me smile.

Resistance is a funny thing. We may have some pre-conceived ideas about people or places or things, but when we let go of those beliefs and move beyond that resistance and take a leap of faith, we’re often pleasantly surprised.

What do you think?

I’d love to hear what you have to say about how our limiting beliefs hold us back. Please leave a comment here, on Stepping Stones, by scrolling down.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

In the meantime, please join me on my new Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ellen-Brown-Certified-Professional-Coach/347591665890 And while you’re there, please join in the conversations on the discussion boards. I hope to see you there soon!

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen H. Brown

Today, I’m excited to launch the first in a series of inspirational interviews that will feature some extraordinary people who have overcome adversity in their lives. Sometimes, when we’re faced with tough times, we need a little inspiration to show us that we CAN transcend whatever life hands us. I hope this interview with author and speaker Dan L. Hays helps light your way, as you travel your own life journey.

What follows is our interview:

EHB: Dan, I read your book, Freedom’s Just Another Word, and was inspired by your journey, and the way in which you were able to overcome so much of what happened to you in your childhood. Could you tell readers a little bit about the book and what inspired you to write it?

DLH: The book is a memoir set in Houston, Texas in 1987.  It is about healing, and hope, and forgiveness.  As the book opens, my life was spinning out of control, and I didn’t know why.  I realized I was walking around with many of the symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but didn’t have a traumatic event that I could connect it all to.  As that was happening, my Dad died.  In my struggle to deal with his death, I got back a buried memory about a violent incident with my Dad that made things begin to make sense.

EHB: What would you say helped you the most in terms of recovering from the abuse you dealt with when you were young?

DLH: For me it was a combination of things – I used a number of tools.  Therapy was very helpful, both individual and group.  I became involved with a 12 step program for people who had grown up with alcoholism, which was an incredible help.  Particularly the 12 steps themselves, because they offered a spiritual solution.  But a big component was a walk of faith, in being led to confront those dark events that had ruled my life since childhood.

EHB: As a survivor of rape and child sexual abuse I know that there can be many dark nights of the soul. What kept YOU going during those dark times?

DLH: My faith in God kept me going and kept me safe through those many dark nights of the soul, and enabled me to see the light on the other side.

EHB: You’ve mentioned that some readers said your book provides a sort of roadmap for people on their journey of healing from PTSD and all sorts of abuse. Could you explain what you mean by that?

DLH: In the second half of the book, I went through a number of healing experiences, some therapeutic, some a part of the journey of faith, that other people have told me they use as a template for how to get past their own abuse issues.  I was really surprised by that, and very gratified.  It turns out that people whose abuse was nothing like mine drew from the book, mainly by applying the healing exercises to their own experience.  People have reported using some of the techniques I tried, most of which had been recommended by therapists or wise mentors.

EHB: I know you have some other projects in the works, including a couple of books and some radio shows. Could you tell us about those and how you feel they can help people?

DLH: Healing was a process that took place over several years, that wouldn’t all fit in one book.  I have several books planned to share other parts of my journey.  I think they will help put it in perspective for people that it’s not a quick fix solution.

The radio spots are called Minute to Freedom.  They are brief thoughts or insights from my road to healing, and people have said they get a lot of hope and insight from them.

EHB: In what way does all of this work you’re doing benefit you, personally?

DLH: It’s like they say, you don’t get it until you give it away.  In sharing with others about my journey, it helps me see where I was and where I am now with a much greater clarity.

EHB: You’ve mentioned that you’ve done some mentoring with people who have been abused and/or have PTSD. Could you explain how you work with these people?

DLH: Mostly I share my experience – much of which is the things I describe in Freedom’s Just Another Word.  I talk about how things opened up for me when I was flat on my back, and became willing to try things I normally would not try.  Then I describe some of those things, if it seems appropriate in the conversation.  Healing exercises, inner child work, letting go ceremonies, things like that.

EHB: Where do you hope all of the work you’re doing will lead you?

DLH: When I started dealing with the abuse issues, I felt pretty hopeless, like I was doomed to a life of unhappiness and frustration.  For others who might be in a similar situation, I would like to be able to share the message that there is the hope of healing –  there is a way to get beyond the effects of abuse.

Dan L. Hays is an author and speaker who lives in Fort Worth, Texas.  You can learn more about him, and how to buy his book, at his website, http://www.danlhays.com

Are you dealing the death of a loved one? Or are you struggling with another life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/npmube to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

Many years ago, when I was healing from child sexual abuse, my therapist proposed what seemed like an outrageous idea at the time.

After I’d described how difficult it had been, dealing with flashbacks and body memories of the abuse, over the past couple weeks, she validated my feelings, as always. Then, easing forward on the couch, she told me, in the softest of voices, that she had an assignment for me. Over the course of the next two weeks, she wanted me to write down five things for which I was grateful, each day.

At first, I was angry. Who did she think she was, suggesting that I be grateful when I was dealing with all these atrocities? What in the world did I have to be grateful for, anyhow?

Though she understood I was struggling, it was important for me to consider the good in my life, in the here and now, rather than focusing all my attention on the past, she said. At the time, I thought her idea was cruel and unusual not to mention the biggest bunch of bunk ever. While I was too polite to say so, I’m sure my facial expressions spoke volumes.

Nonetheless, I started my assignment the very next day, albeit begrudgingly. At first, I struggled to come up with my “five things.” Sure, I had a supportive husband and our house was okay or maybe even pretty good. But what else? We had a sweet dog. Enough money. And as the saying goes, at least I had my health. Big Deal, I thought. Who cares! Needless to say, I didn’t connect with the spirit of the exercise on that very first day.

But what happened over time surprised me. After the first couple days, the exercise became easier, and while it wasn’t exactly enjoyable I noticed that I was allowing myself to FEEL the gratitude instead of disconnecting from the process. When I did, something shifted inside. I felt more hopeful and connected to people and less bitter. I was softening, yielding, coming home to myself.

Why am I telling you all this? Because traveling through life with an attitude of gratitude can make you feel more happy and peaceful. It may even help you have more faith in yourself, and in God (or whatever you call your higher Power).

It’s certainly had that effect on me. Looking back on that day with my therapist, I am so grateful that she had the courage to push me beyond the bounds of my comfort, because that one little exercise transformed my life.

Today, I not only recommend this gratitude exercise to clients who are dealing with job loss or the death of a loved one or caring for a relative with a chronic condition, or overcoming rape or sexual abuse, I do it myself. Religiously. Because when I “forget,” I don’t feel as happy or grounded or connected with people.

If you’d like to experiment with bringing more gratitude into your life, here are some ideas to get you started:

• Make a list of the 5 best things that happened to you today and everyday.
• Write down the names of 3 people in your life for whom you are grateful and list the reasons why for each person.
• If you are dealing with a difficult situation right now, consider what you’re learning from the situation. For example, if you lost your job, ask yourself what am I learning from this experience?
• Be on the lookout for reasons to be grateful, whether it’s a beautiful sunset, the person who lets you into traffic or your loved ones who support you by making the morning coffee or walking the dog.
• Send a thank you note to someone who’s made a difference in your life, describing why you appreciate him or her.

Notice how you feel after trying these strategies, and please let me know what you think. I’d love to hear about your experience.

How has gratitude helped you in your life?

What do you think holds you back from feeling more appreciative?

Please join in the conversation by scrolling down and leaving a message, here, on Stepping Stones.

Are you facing a difficult life transition such as job loss or dealing with the death of a loved one? Are you struggling to keep your head above water as a primary caregiver of an older adult? Or would you like to thrive as a survivor of rape or sexual abuse, rather than merely surviving?

If so, I’d love to support you on your challenging life journey. As a certified professional coach, I help clients navigate difficult transitions with hope and grace, encouraging them to see the treasures buried deep within their “tragedies.” Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/npmube to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

As a solo business owner, have you ever become so busy that you dropped one of the many “balls” you’re juggling? Maybe you stopped exercising for awhile. Or perhaps your schedule became so crowded that you quit networking, until you were able to catch your breath. As small business owners, we have a lot of responsibilities to juggle, so it’s not surprising that we occassionally drop one or more of our proverbial balls.

I’ve certainly been guilty of dropping a ball or two. In fact, lately, I’ve been struggling to keep my blog alive. When I first started blogging, it was a blast. It reminded me of a big playground where I could play with words. Ideas came to me everyday. And when they did, I’d type them up, or scribble them onto a scrap of paper. And I had a nice long list of topics from which to choose.

But over time, the list shrank, and blogging felt like a chore that I needed to cram into my already busy schedule. I felt hard pressed to find time to write, and when I did it felt like I was blogging about the same old things. Rehashing. Repackaging. Hammering home the same points.

Now some coaches might tell me to just suck it up, and blog already. But the suck it up approach has never worked for me, because it smacks of shame, and while some people believe shame is a great motivator, what I know is this: people usually feel worse about themselves when they are berated for their actions or inaction. And when we feel beaten down, we don’t feel especially motivated to take action.

So, if shaming ourselves into action doesn’t help when we “drop a ball,” what does? Listed below are 15 strategies designed to help you get back on track. Since we’re all so different, some ideas may work for you and others may not. So, feel free to experiment with one or several of these ideas to see what works for you:

1. Rather than beating yourself up over “falling off the wagon,” forgive yourself After all, you’re only human, and we all slip up sometimes.

2. Remind yourself of why you wanted to pursue this goal in the first place. In other words, what is your motivation for exercising or blogging or whatever you stopped doing? Reminding yourself of this on a regular basis can help propel you forward in the long run.

3. Ask yourself, how important is this goal to me, on a scale of 1-10 (with one being not important at all and 10 being incredibly important)? This is important to ask yourself, because sometimes our priorities shift.

4. Think of a time in your life when you “dropped the ball,” but were able to pick it up again. In a journal, describe the incident and what strategies you used to begin, anew.

5. If you were able to recall a time when you were successful at getting back on that horse again, try that same strategy, if appropriate.

6. If you can’t think of a time when you were successful at resuming an activity you’d temporarily stopped, quiet your mind through meditation or by taking a nice long walk. When your mind is relatively quiet, ask yourself this: what would help me get back on track? Write down what you hear, and consider trying that strategy.

7. Something I’ve noticed, as a coach, is that taking one small step is often the catalyst for getting back on track. Success leads to success. So if we are able to successfully take one small step, we’re more likely to take another and another. And if we attempt to commit to too much too soon, we often set ourselves up for failure.

8. Think of one small step you can take that will help you get back on track.

9. Make a commitment to taking that first step. Make the goal as specific as possible, and put it in writing. For example, instead of saying “I’m going to start blogging next week,” say “I’ll recommit to writing one blog post a week, and I’ll write my first blog post on Tuesday August 25.”

10. Once you make this commitment, tell a friend or colleague about your commitment, and if possible, ask them to hold you accountable. As you may know, accountability is key to following through on goals.

11. Everyday, remind yourself of why you’re pursuing this goal. Consider using a visual representation of your goal as a reminder. For example, if you’re trying to become more fit, you could place an image of fitness in a prominent place, to remind you of your goal.

12. As you take steps toward your goal, find a way to celebrate your successes. Choose something you enjoy and reward yourself for a job well done!

13. If you slip up, forgive yourself. After all, you’re not perfect. But if you can be gentle with yourself, and avoid beating yourself up, it’s easier to get back on track.

14. If you’re having trouble getting back on track, consider hiring a coach to support you along your journey. A good coach can encourage and support you, help you find a way around your limiting beliefs, co-create a plan for you to achieve your goals, and keep you accountable.

15. Never forget that life is a journey, not a destination. So enjoy the ride!

When have you dropped one of the many responsibilities you’re juggling?

In the past, when you’ve fallen off the wagon, what have you done to get back on track?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment, here, on Stepping Stones.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified coach who works with solo business owners interested in running wildly successful businesses without sacrificing their personal lives. Her business, Wellness Journeys, is based in Cleveland, Ohio. To sign up for her newsletter and download her free special report, How to Boost Profits and Productivity Without Sacrificing Your Personal Life, go to http://www.wellnessjourneys.com/profits-and-productivity.php

By Ellen H. Brown

Many of my clients, who are solo business owners, tell me that there are never enough hours in the day to get everything done. There was certainly a time when I felt that way, as a solo entrepreneur. And in the spirit of honesty, I’ll admit that there are still times when I feel like I’m drowning in work, or at least struggling to stay afloat.

When I start feeling that way, I begin looking for places to trim the fat from my day. Sometimes that means cutting out certain activities entirely. In other cases, it just means trimming back. Because I’m always looking for ways to work smarter rather than harder, and sometimes that means simplifying my work and personal life and doing less.

Of course, there are no one-size fits-all solutions, for trimming the fat. That’s because we all have such different values, so something that one person considers dispensable may be essential to someone else. Having said that, here are some ideas for trimming the fat that have worked well for me and a number of my clients:

1. Unsubscribe to email lists that are no longer serving you.

2. Cut back on the number of blogs and other online news you read.

3. Limit the time you spend on social media sites and consider automating some of your Tweets and Facebook entries

4. If you’re a big fan of online games that lure you away from your projects, limit your time playing these.

5. Delegate tasks outside your core competencies to virtual assistants or other professionals such as copywriters or web designers.

6. If you have friends or family members who consistently call to chat during the workday, suggest that they call at a more convenient time.

7. Stop attending networking meetings that aren’t a good fit for you and your business.

8. It’s great to volunteer your time, but if you have too many volunteer commitments, consider paring down the list.

9. The next time someone asks you to do something that you know you don’t want to do, say “thanks, but no thanks.”

10. When you notice that you’re spending time worrying (a huge time waster) about something you have no control over, bring yourself back to the present moment, take a deep breath and re-connect with the activity you’re involved in.

Did you notice that I didn’t suggest that you stop taking healthy breaks to eat well and move your body? That’s because I’m a big believer in healthy living and self care. When we take time to nurture our bodies, and balance work with play, we have more energy for all aspects of our lives.

So, what little bit of fat could you trim from your day?

In what way would you benefit from cutting out a time waster or two from your schedule?

What would you do with an extra half hour of fat (or more!) you manage to trim from your day?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment, here, on Stepping Stones.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified coach who works with solo business owners interested in running wildly successful businesses without sacrificing their personal lives. Her business, Wellness Journeys, is based in Cleveland, Ohio. To download her free special report, How to Boost Profits and Productivity Without Sacrificing Your Personal Life, go to http://www.wellnessjourneys.com/profits-and-productivity.php