By Ellen Brown

Do you believe in the pursuit of happiness? Or do you believe that happiness will always be beyond your reach, if you search it out?

While I personally believe that happiness is an attitude, rather than a destination, I think there are steps we can take everyday to feel happier. Of course, these steps will be different for each of us, because we are all so different, and what makes me happy may make you miserable, and vice versa.

I’ve been interested in the topic of happiness for some time now, and earlier this year, I was captivated by The Happiness Project by bestselling author Gretchen Rubin. The book chronicles the year-long journey of Rubin, as she tested out the advice of such happiness experts, philosophers and spiritual leaders as positive psychology guru Martin Seligman, Oprah, Samuel Johnson, and the Dalai Lama, who have suggested everything from keeping a gratitude journal to being in the moment, to daily meditation to simplifying your life and so much more. In the end, Rubin came to believe that you truly can boost your happiness, but doing so takes time and determination and experimentation. She also learned that happiness is a very individual pursuit. So just because something such as meditation makes others happy, it doesn’t guarantee that that certain something will bring YOU happiness.

I loved that Rubin admitted from the get-go that she was pretty happy, in general, but believed she should be happier, given the fortunate circumstances of her life. I also loved the fact that she didn’t embark on a year-long adventure set apart from the worldly pleasures of her life: she stayed right where she was in New York City, with her husband and her two young children. Because she wanted to learn to be happier right where she was and wanted to boost her happiness threshold before she was faced one day with the sort of adversity we’ll all inevitably face in life, whether it’s the death of a loved one or a friend with a terminal illness or something far more daunting.

At the end of her book and stay-at home-adventure, Rubin challenges all of us to start our very own Happiness Projects, and that’s exactly what I plan to do on January 1, with the help of Rubin’s handy Happiness Project Toolbox website: http://www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com/  Her free “toolbox” offers eight simple tools to help you construct your own project and begin boosting your happiness today. My personal Happiness Project is going to be my happy alternative to New Year’s Resolutions, which have rarely, if ever, worked for me.

The truth is that I’d planned to start my Happiness Project earlier this year, but the project got put on hold when my Mom became ill in January, and slowly declined, finally dying in July. As you might imagine, it was a tremendously emotional time, and throughout the year, I often wondered if it would have been helpful to have had a Happiness Project in place before my Mom’s decline. Though I’ll never, of course, know, my hunch is that taking conscious steps to boost my happiness, beforehand, could have served as a healthy buffer during what was one of the most painful and miraculous and transformational times in my life.

Since reading The Happiness Project, I’ve recommended the book to many of my coaching clients, who are dealing with difficult transitions such as job loss, chronic illnesses, or the death of a loved one. I’ve also suggested that they consider starting their own Happiness Projects, because more than ever, I’m convinced that finding a way to bring more enjoyment into our lives can have huge benefits. I truly believe that happiness and inner peace are worth pursuing whether you’re on top of the world, or you’re facing the Tsunami of your life.

I’d love to hear what you have to say about the pursuit of happiness. And if you’ve already started a Happiness Project or are considering launching one, I’d appreciate hearing about your experience. Please leave a comment, here on Stepping Stones.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH. Visit her website at http://ellen-brown.com

By Ellen Brown

Dave Grier

Note: The story below is one in a series of articles I’m posting about people who have inspired me by overcoming life’s obstacles. I hope you find the story inspirational. It was originally published in Cleveland Clinic’s Transplant Center newsletter for patients and their families, and is reprinted here with the permission of Cleveland Clinic.

Although Dave Grier has dreamed of becoming a pilot, since he was a boy, for many years, the dream seemed out of range, first for financial reasons, then because of medical issues. But today, at the age of 51, Mr. Grier is more committed than ever to living his dream and is well on his way to achieving it. The student pilot passed ground school with flying colors, and completed his first solo flight in October.

Mr. Grier, who is a two-time recipient of liver and liver/kidney transplants, hopes to one day launch a non-profit organization that flies transplant patients to Cleveland for their surgery and follow-up appointments. While there are some nonprofits that already provide such services, none of the pilots on their crews are transplant recipients, and Mr. Grier believes it would be inspiring for transplant candidates and recipients to know that they are being transported by someone who has traveled a similar journey.

Mr. Grier, who received both transplants at Cleveland Clinic, the first in 1997 and the second in 2007, explains his journey as a pilot this way: “After my first transplant, I pretty much knew that I couldn’t get my medical clearance passed because I was a transplant patient, and the FAA has some pretty high standards.”  But after recovering from his second transplant in 2007, he had some time to think, and his dream of becoming a pilot kept rising to the surface. Maybe he COULD actually become a pilot, he thought. Once he was strong enough to leave his hospital room, he went down the hall and hopped on the Internet. After doing a little online research, he found that there WERE a number of transplant recipients who had become pilots.

Mr. Grier remembers returning to his room with a big grin, with the knowledge that achieving his dream WAS possible. A year later, after fully recovering from the surgery, he applied for medical clearance for becoming a pilot, and on July 16, 2008, he had his clearance in hand. To say he was happy is a great understatement. “I was going to do a cartwheel in the post office when I got the clearance in the mail, but I didn’t want to explain it to the police,” he says with a laugh.

Recently, he accumulated enough in-flight hours so he could begin flying solo. Before he is allowed to have passengers accompany him on flights, he will have to pass a couple more tests, a fact that doesn’t seem to faze him.

Mr. Grier says his dream of helping transplant patients keeps him on track, so does his desire “to pay it forward” after being the fortunate recipient of the gift of life (from organ donors), not once, but twice.

For years, he has been giving back in a variety of ways. Today, he serves on the board of directors for TRIO, and for a time, he was the volunteer coordinator for the Minority Organ and Tissue Education program, where he had the opportunity to share his story and talk about the importance of organ and tissue donation to children and adults.

He’s also volunteered for the past few years in Cleveland Clinic’s Transplant Center, where he meets with patients who are awaiting or recovering from transplants. Mr. Grier says he loves to see patients’ eyes light up when they realize he’s there to talk to them about his experience, as a transplant recipient. “When I tell patients I’ve had two transplants, I notice that their attitude changes,” he says. “A lot of times they sit up in bed and pay attention. I think it’s really important for patients to talk to people who have undergone transplants and recovered. And I love being able to be that someone.”

To read more about Dave Grier’s high-flying adventures, visit his blog, Transplanted Pilot, at http://transplantedpilot.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2010 Cleveland Clinic

Sign up for my newsletter with tips for dealing with your difficult life transitions and download a free mp3 to help you overcome insomnia at http://www.ellen-brown.com

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH, who works with clients all over the world by telephone and Skype.Dave Grier

By Ellen Brown

When I’m dealing with a life challenge, whether it’s transitioning into a new career or dealing with a loved one who has a serious illness, it’s so important for me to surround myself with great sources of inspiration. And I guess I’m not alone, because many of my clients say they reach for a little inspiration, to lift them up out of the muck, when they’re facing tough times.

While there are many different sources of inspiration (I’ll discuss some others in my next post), to choose from, I’m a big believer in inspirational quotes, because they offer us comfort and hope. Many of my clients say they like to hang inspirational quotes around their homes during difficult times, because the sayings fuel them with positive, rather than negative, energy.

One of my favorite quotes is simply this: “this too shall pass.” Why? Because so often, when we’re dealing with a tough situation, we feel sad or depressed. And sometimes our depression or hopelessness is exacerbated by negative thinking. We may tell ourselves that what we’re facing will never get better. But that simply isn’t true, because change is inevitable, and nothing stays the same forever, whether that’s our health or our relationships or our jobs or our feelings.

So, if you’re dealing with job loss or the loss of a loved one or a parent who has Alzheimer’s Disease, or any type of life challenge, consider searching out some inspirational quotes. While they’re hardly a panacea, they may just provide you with the boost you need.

Listed below are some inspirational quotes that I find helpful when dealing with adversity, as well as some websites that feature inspirational quotes on a variety of topics. Try posting your inspirational quotes in conspicuous places around your home. And see if they don’t offer you a little lift when you’re feeling down.

Some of My Favorite Inspirational Quotes

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” –- Moliere

Happiness doesn’t depend on what we have, but it does depend on how we feel toward what we have.” — William Dempster Hoard

All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune. — Henry David Thoreau

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. –Rabindranath Tagore

Each difficult moment has the potential to open my eyes and open my heart. — Myla Kabat-Zinn

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. — Kenji Miyazawa

The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. — Rona Barrett

Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. –- Rilke

God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. –John Aughey

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.” — Confucius

Possible Sources for Inspirational Quotes

The Quote Garden

http://www.quotegarden.com/

Inspiration for Change

http://www.heartsandminds.org/quotes/quotes.htm

The Quotations Page

http://www.quotationspage.com/subjects/

Thinkexist.com

http://en.thinkexist.com/topics/

So what are YOUR favorite inspirational quotes?

How have inspirational quotes helped you as you’ve moved through difficult life challenges?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment here on Stepping Stones (scroll down to the bottom of the post).

Are you dealing with a challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/yc7meqo to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

Note: in my next blog post, I will look at other sources of inspiration that can help propel you forward on your life journey.

By Ellen Brown

If you’ve ever lost a loved one or even a job, someone has probably told you, with the best of intentions, to “just give it time.”

The only problem is that that statement simply isn’t true. “It’s one of those falsehoods that’s been passed down from generation to generation by ill-informed people,” say John W. James and Frank Cherry, authors of  The Grief Recovery Handbook: A Step-by-Step Program for Moving Beyond Loss.

The truth is time alone doesn’t heal anything. I mean, think about it. When you break your leg, does your doctor say “Just go home and give it time. Time heals all wounds.” I certainly hope not, and if so, I’d advise you to run, I mean hobble, to another doctor, who will actually mend your broken limb.

One of the reasons we often tell people who are dealing with loss that “it will just take time” or “time heals all wounds” is that we don’t know what else to say or what other options to offer. As a result, some people wait around for years, hoping one day they’ll magically feel better.

In The Grief Recovery Handbook, James and Cherry say they sometimes ask participants at their seminars whether anyone is still feeling the pain caused by the death of a loved one 20 or more years ago, and many people say they still are, in fact, adversely affected by their loss.

While you may be inclined to dismiss those reports as purely anecdotal, studies have shown that people typically suffer from their loss for many years. Through his extensive research, psychologist Edward Diener found that it often takes widows between five and eight years to regain their previous sense of wellbeing. Similarly, those who lose their jobs often suffer the effects of their loss long after they return to the working world, according to Dr. Diener, the Joseph R. Smiley Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of Illinois.

I don’t know about you, but 20 years, or even five to eight years, sounds like a long time to wait. When we tell people to “just give it time,” we’re actually inviting them to wait for a day may never come.

The good news is that there IS, in fact, something you can do to deal with your loss and accelerate your healing. And it doesn’t have to take 20 years or even half a decade. Though everyone is different, it can take as little as several months (depending on your circumstances) to move through your loss, if you are actively working the process with a life transitions coach.

As a life transitions coach, I help clients:

• Express their feelings, so they can grieve their losses
• Explore the ups and downs of their relationship with the person or job they lost so they can see their circumstances more objectively
• Look at the unfinished business they had with the person who passed away (or a colleague who fired them)
• Find a way to bring closure to the situation, even if they can no longer speak with that person
• Look at the lessons they learned from the relationship or job and how the lessons caused them to grow
• Explore what they DO have to be grateful for in their current lives
• Consider how they can use the lessons they learned in the next chapter of their life
• Transform their lives, so they are thriving, rather than “surviving”
• Move beyond their loss to a new beginning

When I help clients work through these steps (not that it’s a linear process), it accelerates the healing process, because instead of waiting for time to pass, they are taking action designed to promote their healing. This process helps people move into the next phase of their lives in a way that is more hopeful and less fearful, allowing them to open to life’s limitless possibilities instead of bracing against the danger of being hurt again.

So what are your thoughts about the phrase “just give it time?”

In the past, how long has it taken you to move through a difficult loss?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment here on Stepping Stones (scroll down to the bottom of the post).

Are you dealing with a recent loss? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/yc7meqo to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

Note: People often ask me why I decided to become a life transitions coach, after working as a writer for more than 25 years, so I decided to share the story behind my transition with you in today’s post.

Several years ago, when I decided to become a life transitions coach, many people wondered what in the world I was doing, and I suppose, their confusion was understandable. After all, I had worked as a writer for my entire life and was running a successful business, as a writer, specializing in health and wellness.

So what was up with becoming a coach, they wondered. Or, as one of my writer friends so lovingly put it, “Did you just wake up one day and decide you wanted to be a life coach, or what?”

Uh, not exactly.  My journey actually unfolded over the course of more than a decade, and was anything but a passing fancy.

My Journey Into the Dark and Murky Underworld

It all began about 11 years ago, when I was working as a home-based writer, and memories of sexual abuse and rape suddenly began flooding my consciousness. It was a good thing I was self employed, at the time,because what happened over the course of the next few years sent me spiraling out of control.

In the beginning, I experienced intense flashbacks and body memories, which forced me to re-live the abuse that occurred when I was young. At times, I was blind-sided  by waves of physical and emotional pain.

At first, I couldn’t believe what was happening to me, and I wondered how I could have forgotten these brutal acts and why I hadn’t remembered them before.

For awhile, I hoped and prayed I was inventing these horrifying images. That the physical pain I was feeling was fake. That I was creating a fantasy.  Because that was more comforting than believing that the people I trusted had betrayed me. But the more I resisted, the more the memories persisted. On and on, like a never-ending nightmare.

The good news is that when I finally allowed myself to believe the memories were true, the flashbacks and body memories tapered off and eventually stopped.  But there was still plenty to overcome. Over the course of the next several years, I did a great deal of healing, in therapy and support groups and with the help of my wonderfully loving husband, Jeff and some supportive survivor friends.

Dealing with Abuse Takes Time, But How Much Time?

They say that dealing with child abuse or any difficult loss takes time, and that’s true. But in my opinion, it doesn’t need to take THAT much time, and sometimes, if you’re not careful, it can take a lifetime to move beyond the pain. One day, I realized that my life was slipping away, and I had allowed my entire identity to become tied up in being a “survivor.”

At that point, I realized I had a choice. I could continue to wear my “survivor label” like a badge of honor and blame others for what I didn’t like about my life. Or I could take responsibility for my life, and realize that my past didn’t have to define me. Yes, I was a survivor of sexual abuse and rape, but I was so much MORE than that. I didn’t want to just survive, I wanted to THRIVE!

It was probably no coincidence that I began exploring my spirituality at this same time. I had never been religious, (and I’m still not) but suddenly I wanted to believe that all these memories had bubbled up for a reason, that there WAS, in fact, some divine plan. That something good would come of these heart-wrenching revelations.

Transcending My Past and Helping Others Thrive

Over the next couple years, I traveled on a spiritual journey of faith and forgiveness that transformed my life. While I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on anyone, the abuse I experienced taught me an important lesson: that I possess an amazing strength and compassion that can never be broken, a powerful spirit that can never be extinguished. Painful though they were, those experiences shaped me into the strong, compassionate woman I am today.

My spiritual journey ultimately led me to the realization that I could make a difference in the lives of people who have faced adversity, including survivors of abuse. Though it took me awhile to decide what form that might take, I finally decided to become a coach, because I wanted to help people move forward rather than taking them back to the past to explore their wounds.

After graduating from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland’s 18-month-long Gestalt Training Program and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, (an ICF-accredited program) I became a certified professional coach.

Today, as a life transitions coach, I am honored to help clients navigate challenging life transitions such as job loss and the loss of a loved one (and the transition from survivor to thriver) with courage, hope and optimism, so they can create the lives they truly desire.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

If you have a friend or colleague who recently lost their job or is dealing with the loss of a loved one, do you listen when they talk about their feelings? Or do you quickly change the subject? I ask you this because in our culture, grief makes many people feel uncomfortable. And many of us don’t know what to say when people express their sadness or anger.

Recently, one of my clients told me an all too common story about the way people deal with sadness. While she was having lunch with one of her closest friends and telling her how hard it was to celebrate the holidays without her Dad, who had died a couple months earlier, her friend — instead of listening — abruptly changed the subject. My client felt angry and confused, and wanted to say something to her friend about how she felt, but didn’t want to “sound like a crybaby.”

My intent is not to judge people for the way they react to grief, but to encourage us to explore new options that allow our loved ones to feel heard and understood, by allowing them to express their feelings rather than shutting them down.

If you’re wondering why it’s important to express your feelings, here’s what the authors of the Grief Recovery Handbook have to say on the subject:  “When we bottle up feelings caused by loss, it is the same as starting the timer of a time bomb. In the beginning the bomb ticks softly. The ticks represent problems, which are experienced by grievers who don’t know how to successfully grieve. It’s as if each one of these signs of trouble are ticks of the bomb progressively getting closer to exploding.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m in favor of dismantling the “bomb” by helping people release their feelings, rather than waiting for the bomb to explode.

So, what can we say that allows people to open up rather than closing down? Here are some possible words to consider using, if someone is dealing with a recent loss:

• How are you doing since (fill in the name of the loved one) died or since you lost your job?
• If you want to talk, I’m interested in listening.
• I can’t imagine what you must be going through.
• I know this has been a difficult time for you (only say this if you know that that’s the case).
• I’m here for you, if you want to talk about it.

Sometimes, when a friend tells you she’s having a hard time dealing with her loss, simply saying “I’m so sorry” can give her the space to talk about what she’s experiencing. But the trick is to give her the space and listen, without saying something that presumes you DO know how she’s feeling, or how she should feel. While I know that many of us are trying to make the person who is grieving feel better, by saying things like “you should feel grateful because he’s in a better place,” these phrases often shut the person down, making him believe that his feelings are wrong, or worse yet, that it isn’t okay for him to talk about his feelings.

Since many of us have trouble dealing with death or any kind of loss, and have misguided beliefs about grieving and how long it should take, we can’t expect ourselves to become experts at supporting people overnight. But if we are willing to sit with our own uncomfortable feelings when we witness deep emotion in our loved ones, we have a better chance of helping them heal.

How do you respond when people start discussing a recent loss in their life?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment (by scrolling down) here on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with a recent loss or struggling with another life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/npmube to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

When someone you love dies, do you take the time you need to grieve? In our crazy, busy culture, which encourages us to  quickly “move on” after we lose someone, it can be challenging to take the time to grieve our losses.

But I’m grateful that I took the time I needed to heal when my beloved father-in-law, John, passed away, a few weeks ago. While his death was no surprise since he’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had been suffering from Alzheimer’s for a number of years, it still hit me hard.

John was like a Dad to me, which was no small thing since I’d lost my own Dad 24 years ago to Lymphoma. When Jeff and I got married, I felt blessed to have John in my life. He was one of the most loving, giving, unpretentious people I’ve ever had the good fortune to know. And my love and respect for him only grew over the 16 years he graced my life. Though I’m glad he’s finally at peace, after all the suffering he’d endured over the past few years, there is still that void, that emptiness …

A couple weeks ago, in the middle of teary period, I caught myself saying to myself “you shouldn’t feel this way. He was JUST your father-in-law.” But my husband reminded me of how close John and I had become and how deeply we cared for one another, and how it made perfect sense that I was so sad.

Instead of trying to paste a smile on my face and pretending everything was okay, I decided to honor my feelings. I called my clients, explained my situation and cleared away some time to “be” with my feelings and prepare for John’s memorial.

Over the next five days, we looked through a lifetime of photos and memorabilia of John to feature in a slideshow and a display table for the memorial, put together some music to accompany the slideshow, and got together with relatives from the East and West Coasts, who we hadn’t seen in ages.

Though the activities, themselves, were nothing out of the ordinary, the process was extraordinarily healing. There is something about paging through almost 86 years worth of memories and cradling your loved one’s baby shoes in your hands, that puts things in perspective. There is something healing about watching a person’s life advance and recede, like the rhythms of nature, the changing of seasons we witness every year, from spring to summer to autumn and winter, a pattern that makes natural sense.

Participating in these healing rituals made me remember other times in my life when I hadn’t taken the time to grieve for important people in my life like my own Dad. When he passed away, after a five year battle with cancer, I took the three allowed “bereavement days” and returned to work. I’ll never forget those first days back at the office. Feeling empty and raw. I was “there” in body, but certainly not in mind and spirit.

Then one of my co-workers had the gall to say to me, “I’ll never understand why people have to take a full three days off when someone dies.”  His caustic words epitomize our culture’s disdain for grieving and sadness and red-rimmed eyes.

I hope one day we will, as a culture, provide us with the time and space we need to grieve our losses and honor the memories of the loved ones we’ve lost. Because when we honor our feelings and let them flow through us instead of erecting an emotional dam, we truly allow ourselves to heal and move on.

If you’ve experienced any sort of loss in your life – whether you were laid off from a job, diagnosed with a serious illness or got divorced, I encourage you to take the time you need to grieve your losses.

When you’ve lost someone you love, have you taken the time to grieve your loss?

What sorts of rituals have helped you move beyond your loss?

What stops you from taking the time you need to heal?

What do you think you miss out on when you “move on” too quickly?

Has there ever been a time in your life when you got stuck in the grief after you lost a loved one? What kept you stuck?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment (by scrolling down) here on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with a serious illness or the death of a loved one? Or are you struggling with another life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/npmube to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

Our lives are constantly changing. Yet, so often, we resist change, rather than embracing it. That’s true of my clients, whether they’re dealing with job loss or a serious illness, or any life transition, for that matter. And it’s certainly true of me, too, sometimes.

Recently, I was reminded of that fact, when I watched, with sadness, as the golden autumn leaves in our backyard twirled their way to the ground.

But why was I so sad? I mean, it’s still autumn. There are still plenty leaves on the trees, and that crisp autumn scent I love continues to permeate the air. Technically, winter won’t be ushered in for another two months. But with each leaf that falls and every cool night, I’m reminded that the end is near.

As much as I’d like to embrace change, sometimes I cling to the things I love. But when I do, I miss out on the opportunities right in front of me. So, I’m sad that winter is coming, but winter isn’t even here yet.

When I see the words laid out on the page, I realize how silly it sounds to concern myself with a season that hasn’t even arrived yet. Why not enjoy autumn while it’s still here?

Perhaps the great spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, says it best: “All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.”His advice isn’t always easy to put into practice. Yet it rings true, whether our goal is to accept the coming of winter, the loss of a job, or a serious illness.

Acceptance, of course, is a process, and I certainly don’t mean to equate the ending of autumn with the loss of a loved one. As a coach, I never hurry acceptance along. Because grieving our losses is SO important.

But the longer we resist accepting what is, the longer we feel the pain and the harder it is to enjoy what we DO have in our lives.

We always have a choice about whether to resist or go with the flow. So I can choose to resist the coming of winter until the first spring flowers sprout from the ground. But if I do, I’ll miss out on autumn and winter, and all the beauty that the seasons have to offer, and I won’t be living in the present moment. Enjoying what is.

The truth is winter is NOT my favorite season. I’m not a fan of the biting cold or bundling up. And driving in the snow? Well, given the choice, I’d rather pass, if you don’t mind!

But I DO enjoy watching the snowflakes gliding their way through the air, on their journey to places unknown.  And when I don’t have to trek across town, I enjoy curling up by the window, with a good book, taking in the glitter of a nice ice storm.

I also like the quiet of winter. The way it invites us to travel inward and be still, like the stately sycamore in our front yard.

But before I get ahead of myself, I’m going to stop thinking about winter and enjoy autumn. Because as I look out my office window, the leaves on the Maple are glowing. And our yard is a gorgeous masterpiece, flecked with gold and orange, crimson and sienna.

Yes, today, I’m going to enjoy what is. Because all I have is the present moment.

How do you deal with change?

What might you be resisting in YOUR life?

How does that resistance affect you?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment (by scrolling down) here on Stepping Stones.

Are you recovering from job loss or dealing with the death of a loved one? Or are you struggling with another life transition? If so, I’d love to support on your new life journey. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/npmube to sign up for an introductory session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, Ohio.

By Ellen H. Brown

As a solo business owner, have you ever become so busy that you dropped one of the many “balls” you’re juggling? Maybe you stopped exercising for awhile. Or perhaps your schedule became so crowded that you quit networking, until you were able to catch your breath. As small business owners, we have a lot of responsibilities to juggle, so it’s not surprising that we occassionally drop one or more of our proverbial balls.

I’ve certainly been guilty of dropping a ball or two. In fact, lately, I’ve been struggling to keep my blog alive. When I first started blogging, it was a blast. It reminded me of a big playground where I could play with words. Ideas came to me everyday. And when they did, I’d type them up, or scribble them onto a scrap of paper. And I had a nice long list of topics from which to choose.

But over time, the list shrank, and blogging felt like a chore that I needed to cram into my already busy schedule. I felt hard pressed to find time to write, and when I did it felt like I was blogging about the same old things. Rehashing. Repackaging. Hammering home the same points.

Now some coaches might tell me to just suck it up, and blog already. But the suck it up approach has never worked for me, because it smacks of shame, and while some people believe shame is a great motivator, what I know is this: people usually feel worse about themselves when they are berated for their actions or inaction. And when we feel beaten down, we don’t feel especially motivated to take action.

So, if shaming ourselves into action doesn’t help when we “drop a ball,” what does? Listed below are 15 strategies designed to help you get back on track. Since we’re all so different, some ideas may work for you and others may not. So, feel free to experiment with one or several of these ideas to see what works for you:

1. Rather than beating yourself up over “falling off the wagon,” forgive yourself After all, you’re only human, and we all slip up sometimes.

2. Remind yourself of why you wanted to pursue this goal in the first place. In other words, what is your motivation for exercising or blogging or whatever you stopped doing? Reminding yourself of this on a regular basis can help propel you forward in the long run.

3. Ask yourself, how important is this goal to me, on a scale of 1-10 (with one being not important at all and 10 being incredibly important)? This is important to ask yourself, because sometimes our priorities shift.

4. Think of a time in your life when you “dropped the ball,” but were able to pick it up again. In a journal, describe the incident and what strategies you used to begin, anew.

5. If you were able to recall a time when you were successful at getting back on that horse again, try that same strategy, if appropriate.

6. If you can’t think of a time when you were successful at resuming an activity you’d temporarily stopped, quiet your mind through meditation or by taking a nice long walk. When your mind is relatively quiet, ask yourself this: what would help me get back on track? Write down what you hear, and consider trying that strategy.

7. Something I’ve noticed, as a coach, is that taking one small step is often the catalyst for getting back on track. Success leads to success. So if we are able to successfully take one small step, we’re more likely to take another and another. And if we attempt to commit to too much too soon, we often set ourselves up for failure.

8. Think of one small step you can take that will help you get back on track.

9. Make a commitment to taking that first step. Make the goal as specific as possible, and put it in writing. For example, instead of saying “I’m going to start blogging next week,” say “I’ll recommit to writing one blog post a week, and I’ll write my first blog post on Tuesday August 25.”

10. Once you make this commitment, tell a friend or colleague about your commitment, and if possible, ask them to hold you accountable. As you may know, accountability is key to following through on goals.

11. Everyday, remind yourself of why you’re pursuing this goal. Consider using a visual representation of your goal as a reminder. For example, if you’re trying to become more fit, you could place an image of fitness in a prominent place, to remind you of your goal.

12. As you take steps toward your goal, find a way to celebrate your successes. Choose something you enjoy and reward yourself for a job well done!

13. If you slip up, forgive yourself. After all, you’re not perfect. But if you can be gentle with yourself, and avoid beating yourself up, it’s easier to get back on track.

14. If you’re having trouble getting back on track, consider hiring a coach to support you along your journey. A good coach can encourage and support you, help you find a way around your limiting beliefs, co-create a plan for you to achieve your goals, and keep you accountable.

15. Never forget that life is a journey, not a destination. So enjoy the ride!

When have you dropped one of the many responsibilities you’re juggling?

In the past, when you’ve fallen off the wagon, what have you done to get back on track?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment, here, on Stepping Stones.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified coach who works with solo business owners interested in running wildly successful businesses without sacrificing their personal lives. Her business, Wellness Journeys, is based in Cleveland, Ohio. To sign up for her newsletter and download her free special report, How to Boost Profits and Productivity Without Sacrificing Your Personal Life, go to http://www.wellnessjourneys.com/profits-and-productivity.php

By Ellen H. Brown

Many of my clients, who are solo business owners, tell me that there are never enough hours in the day to get everything done. There was certainly a time when I felt that way, as a solo entrepreneur. And in the spirit of honesty, I’ll admit that there are still times when I feel like I’m drowning in work, or at least struggling to stay afloat.

When I start feeling that way, I begin looking for places to trim the fat from my day. Sometimes that means cutting out certain activities entirely. In other cases, it just means trimming back. Because I’m always looking for ways to work smarter rather than harder, and sometimes that means simplifying my work and personal life and doing less.

Of course, there are no one-size fits-all solutions, for trimming the fat. That’s because we all have such different values, so something that one person considers dispensable may be essential to someone else. Having said that, here are some ideas for trimming the fat that have worked well for me and a number of my clients:

1. Unsubscribe to email lists that are no longer serving you.

2. Cut back on the number of blogs and other online news you read.

3. Limit the time you spend on social media sites and consider automating some of your Tweets and Facebook entries

4. If you’re a big fan of online games that lure you away from your projects, limit your time playing these.

5. Delegate tasks outside your core competencies to virtual assistants or other professionals such as copywriters or web designers.

6. If you have friends or family members who consistently call to chat during the workday, suggest that they call at a more convenient time.

7. Stop attending networking meetings that aren’t a good fit for you and your business.

8. It’s great to volunteer your time, but if you have too many volunteer commitments, consider paring down the list.

9. The next time someone asks you to do something that you know you don’t want to do, say “thanks, but no thanks.”

10. When you notice that you’re spending time worrying (a huge time waster) about something you have no control over, bring yourself back to the present moment, take a deep breath and re-connect with the activity you’re involved in.

Did you notice that I didn’t suggest that you stop taking healthy breaks to eat well and move your body? That’s because I’m a big believer in healthy living and self care. When we take time to nurture our bodies, and balance work with play, we have more energy for all aspects of our lives.

So, what little bit of fat could you trim from your day?

In what way would you benefit from cutting out a time waster or two from your schedule?

What would you do with an extra half hour of fat (or more!) you manage to trim from your day?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment, here, on Stepping Stones.

Ellen H. Brown is a certified coach who works with solo business owners interested in running wildly successful businesses without sacrificing their personal lives. Her business, Wellness Journeys, is based in Cleveland, Ohio. To download her free special report, How to Boost Profits and Productivity Without Sacrificing Your Personal Life, go to http://www.wellnessjourneys.com/profits-and-productivity.php