By Ellen Brown

Lately, I’ve been hankering to try something new. To experiment. To explore. To get out more. This all makes perfect sense since I haven’t had much time or energy to play in the past year, a year that began with the slow decline and death of my father-in-law last August and ended with the passing of my mom in July.

During that time, I didn’t have much energy or a whole lot of time to get out and have fun.  But today, while I am still grieving my losses, I’ve lately noticed a stirring within to try something new. And it feels kind of exciting. Like the way it felt years ago in the fall, when school started, and the air smelled crisp and full of possibilities.

Thankfully, life is serendipitous, so when I started thinking about how it would be nice to get out more, a friend of mine told me about a new book club that’s forming next month. I also heard about a study group that’s centered around the spiritual teachings of Eckhart Tolle and his book, the Power of Now. Though my husband and I have only attended the group a few times, we already feel at home there.

I don’t pretend to be “over” the loss of my loved ones, and I still carry plenty of Kleenex for those weepy moments that seem to spring out of nowhere, when I hear a sad song or smell a familiar scent of perfume that reminds me of my mom. But I’m feeling more hopeful and energetic. And ready to try something new. And for that I’m grateful.

How about YOU? Have you found it helpful to try something new when you’re dealing with loss?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment here on Stepping Stones by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

If you’ve been laid-off in the past couple years, do you feel like your self -confidence has slowly eroded? Many of my coaching clients who lost their jobs in the Recession certainly felt that way at a certain point.

But the good news is that there’s hope. Do yourself a favor, though. Start rebuilding your self-confidence now, rather than “hitting bottom” and needing to rebuild from ground zero. That way, when you walk into that next job interview, you’ll look and feel confident and assured, which is important, because, if you don’t feel confident, you won’t project that attitude in an interview.

If you’re not sure how to give yourself a boost, here are five ideas to get you started:

• Review your successes – That’s right. When you go back and recall your successes, both job-related and otherwise, and write them down and review them regularly, it will actually make you feel better. Here are a few questions I ask clients to help them remember their successes:
  • When, in your life, have you felt the most successful, in general?
  • What are the greatest strengths you bring to the table as a prospective employee?
  • What were your greatest successes in your last job?
  • Tell me a little bit about when you have felt the most successful in terms of your personal relationships.
  • What are you doing in your life today that makes you feel successful?
  • Commit to a new project or goal – This “project” could be just about anything, as long as it’s something that would give you a sense of accomplishment. It could be running a marathon or learning to cook French food. But make sure it’s something you REALLY want to do, not something you think you should want to do or something that someone else believes would serve you well.
  • Volunteer – It may sound counter productive to volunteer your time, when what you really need is a job, preferably yesterday, that pays good money. But volunteering is a wonderful way to boost your self-confidence. Not only does volunteering bring us together with other people who are doing good works, (which can lift our spirits), it also can help us develop new skills and reminds us, firsthand, of our talents and strengths. And the best part is that when we’re giving back to the community, we just feel happier.
  • Partner with a job-seeking friend – Searching for a new job, especially when you’ve been doing so for an extended period of time, can feel like traveling a lonely road. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Team up with a fellow job seeker or two and meet with them daily or weekly at the library or a local coffee house to share goals, encourage one another, and hold each other accountable. Don’t know anyone, who’s looking for a job? How about joining a job club? Check out this post I wrote on the subject awhile back: http://ellen-brown.com/blog/2010/02/18/dealing-with-job-loss-joining-a-career-club-can-help-you-boost-confidence-during-job-search/
    • Hire a coach – Coaches can encourage you and listen to you, and help you overcome the limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. They can also help you formulate a plan to return to work and keep you on track. One of the toughest aspects of navigating a difficult transition such as job loss is that so many feelings – including anger, sadness, and confusion — bubble up. And if you don’t take the time to feel your feelings and move through them, they may leak out in job interviews or in your personal life. And believe me, that’s not such a pretty sight. Good coaches also serve as a guiding light, helping you believe in yourself as you are navigating this tumultuous time.

So what or who has helped YOU rebuild your self-confidence, when dealing with job loss or another difficult transition?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment, here, on Stepping Stones, by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

When we’re dealing with difficult life transitions like job loss or the death of a loved one, it’s not uncommon for us to focus a little too much on the past and the future. We may ruminate about the day our supervisor delivered the bad news. Or we may obsess about how we’re going to make ends meet without the help of our life partner.

Experiencing these feelings is natural, and I certainly wouldn’t suggest that we try to bury them. But there’s something to be said for balance and bringing ourselves back to the present moment, and being with “what is” today. At a workshop I recently attended on Complicated Grief, the featured speaker, a grief counselor for the Hospice of the Western Reserve, highlighted that point.

The presenter talked about how people who are faced with the sudden death of a loved one, experience a great deal of pain, and need to learn how to live with the pain, rather than pushing it away or self medicating themselves with alcohol or drugs. She recommended a number of helpful strategies, including staying in the present moment, which she said helps ground us in our current reality and is the key to bringing more joy into our lives.

What she described really resonated with me and surprised me.  While I’ve been practicing the art of living in the present moment (sometimes known as mindfulness) for years, with the help of books by great spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh, I hadn’t really thought about the connection she was discussing. I hadn’t really considered how we often live more in the past and future, when we’re navigating difficult life transitions. But it’s true, and I’ve certainly witnessed that tendency in myself and in many of my coaching clients.

It’s understandable that many of us feel anxious and in pain when we focus on our regrets about the past and our fears of the future. But when we shift our attention back to the here and now, and listen, really listen to the Robin singing just outside our window or allow ourselves to savor the delicious meal set before us, we often feel more peaceful and happy.

By the way, I’m not suggesting that mindfulness is a happy pill. But it can be a helpful tool to have in your toolbox. So, if you’re dealing with a difficult transition and notice yourself slipping into the past or future a little too often, you may want to try this exercise to help you return to the present moment:

Take a few deep breaths, noticing the rise and fall of your belly. Feel your feet against floor. Look around you. Notice what you see. Reach out and touch something and notice how it feels.  Become aware of the sounds around you. You’re now in the present moment.

Please keep in mind that learning to live in the present moment is a process, so be gentle with yourself, when you notice your mind drifting. Then take a deep breath and bring yourself back to the here and now.

If you’re going through a tough time, in what way would it be helpful for you to live in the here and now more often?

How has mindfulness helped you in your life?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment here on Stepping Stones by scrolling down.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

There’s no doubt about it: losing your job can crumble your self-confidence. While that’s not always the case, it’s often true whether you were fired or laid off, due to company downsizing.

But the problem is this: if you need to search for a new job, having a crisis of confidence can get in your way. Big time!

Such was the case with Colleen,* a successful attorney I worked with a few months ago, as a life transitions coach. Colleen was one of nearly 50 people in her firm who lost her position, due to the Recession. Though Colleen clearly had a great deal going for her, she had a tough time articulating her strengths, and since she had been unemployed for more than nine months, her self-confidence was slowly eroding.

As a coach, one of my goals is help clients like Colleen explore their strengths and successes, so they can feel more confident and present themselves in a more positive light, whether they are networking or interviewing for a new position. Because if Colleen couldn’t name her strengths and describe how her skills could benefit another law firm, there was little hope that she’d be able to do so on a job interview.

Before Colleen could sell herself in a job interview, she needed to feel good about herself. There are a lot of ways to help people re-build self confidence, including visualization and affirmations. But one of my first goals was to help Colleen get a better handle on her strengths and successes. Toward that end, I asked her a series of questions, which I requested she answer in writing, between coaching sessions. Some of the questions focused on work; others explored other aspects of her life.

Here are a few of the questions:

• When, in your life, have you felt the most successful, in general?
• What are the greatest strengths you bring to the table as a prospective employee?

• What were your greatest successes in your last job?

• What lessons did you learn in previous jobs that you can carry forth into your next position?
• Tell me a little bit about when you have felt the most successful in terms of your personal relationships.
• What are you doing in your life today that makes you feel successful?

If you’re dealing with a crisis of confidence, you might consider answering some of these questions. While doing so probably won’t provide a quick fix, it will likely shift your feelings, some. Because when we are focus on our strengths and successes, rather than our “problems” and weaknesses, we generally feel happier.

If you’re dealing with job loss, how has your outlook on life been affected, if at all?

What have you done to boost your self-confidence?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by scrolling down and leaving a comment, here, on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with job loss or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

* The name of my client was changed to protect her identity.

By Ellen Brown

I work with a client named “Sarah,”* whose friend thinks she’s “crazy” for joining a job club. “Why would you want to hang out with a bunch of unemployed people?” she asked Sarah one day. “Isn’t it depressing?”

“Actually, the people in my group are great,” Sarah told her friend. “They encourage me and support me. And I always feel better afterwards.”  Unlike her friend, who obviously has some “issues” with people who are unemployed!

I was so glad to hear that Sarah was benefitting from her new job club. I’m a big fan of these clubs for all the reasons that she described.

In case you’re not familiar with career clubs, they’re venues where you can let down your hair and share your job-hunting experiences and encourage one another along the journey. Some are held at libraries or churches or synagogues, while others are less formal and meet in participants’ homes.

Research has shown that job clubs can help people:

• Feel less alone
• Boost their confidence
• Accelerate their job search
• Talk about their feelings so they don’t bottle them up
• Share strategies for finding a job that’s a good fit
• Discuss the ups and downs of their search
• Fine tune their resumes and interviewing skills
• Celebrate their successes
• Stay on track
• Be accountable when it comes to networking and applying for jobs

If you’re interested in joining a job club, here are some suggestions for finding one that’s a good fit for you:

• Check your local newspaper for listings in the business section
• Visit your local library, which may offer job clubs as well as workshops on resume writing and interviewing
• Look for notices in your community newspaper’s calendar of events
• Check out Waggleforce.com, an organization dedicated to helping people get back to work, through the power of career clubs: http://www.waggleforce.com/
• Google “job clubs” and add the city in which you reside
• Get in touch with outplacement firms, which may sponsor job clubs or be able to refer you to groups in your area

How has a job club been helpful, or not so helpful as you’ve looked for a new position?

What limiting beliefs do you have that might prevent you from joining a career club?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment here on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with a challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/yc7meqo to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

* The name of my client was changed to protect her identity.

By Ellen Brown

As I often tell clients and friends (and anyone else who will listen), meditation can help us weather some of life’s toughest storms. While it’s hardly a magic bullet, meditation can help us feel more relaxed and peaceful, and medical studies have suggested that such practices may lessen anxiety, depression, and insomnia, which many of us experience during difficult times.

I, personally, don’t know where I’d be without meditation. It’s one of those practices I’ve been committed to for years, and I can’t imagine giving it up.

A few months ago, my meditation practice was a God send, when I was watching my beloved father-in-law, John, who had Alzheimer’s disease and terminal cancer, slip away a little bit more each day. Every day when my husband and I returned from visiting John at the nursing home, it was so comforting to pull up my meditation cushion and just sit, watching my thoughts drift by like clouds in the sky.

On some days, my experience wasn’t quite that serene. But I did my best to accept what was happening and allowed myself to be with whatever feelings emerged … And while my meditations didn’t change the fact that John was dying or in pain sometimes, my daily practice helped ease MY pain.

If you’re interested in meditation but believe it’s too time consuming or difficult, not to worry. Meditation doesn’t have to be about sitting on a cushion for hours on end. You can decide how much time to devote to the practice, whether that’s five minutes or an hour. And you can even sit in a chair, if you find it more comfortable than a cushion.

Meditation can take many forms, including:

• Auditory meditations, involving music or guided meditation
• Visual meditations, which may involve the creation of mandalas or other works of art
• Traditional forms that involve sitting still with your eyes closed and following your breath or observing your thoughts, without judgment, as they pass through your mind
• Moving meditations such as yoga, dance or walking

One of my favorite books on the topic of meditation is Kat Tansey’s Choosing to Be. This beautifully written book revolves around a wise Maine Coon cat, his kitten muse, and author Kat Tansey, who take the reader on a challenging and often times amusing journey from the disorienting haze of depression to the freedom and clarity of Buddha mind. I often recommend the book to my coaching clients who are dealing with difficult life transitions, because it’s inspiring and lightened with humor and reminds us that we have the power and strength to transcend whatever we’re facing.

So, how has meditation helped YOU, as you’ve dealt with a difficult life transition, or how do you think it COULD help?

What kind of beliefs do you have about meditation that may be preventing you from giving it a try?

What are your favorite books (or audio resources) on meditation?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment here on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with a challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/yc7meqo to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

Years, ago, when I was healing from child sexual abuse, I found it SO important to be around people (and books and movies) who could inspire me, as I traveled the journey from victim to survivor (ultimately becoming a thriver). Because navigating that transition could be grueling, and sometimes, I’d wonder whether I’d make it through the darkness and into the light. But when I met other survivors and read books about people who had traveled similar paths, I felt hopeful that I, too, would heal.

Back then, one of the people who inspired me the most was my therapist, Susan, who became a counselor, after transcending her own abuse. While she never talked about what had happened to her (thank goodness!), it gave me great strength to know that she had healed and been able to help other survivors like me. She had made it through the storm, and that gave me great hope. Because if she made it through the storm, then maybe I could too!

During that time, I also read a number of inspirational books by survivors who had overcome abuse, as well as the proverbial bible for survivors of child sexual abuse: The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. That book, which was an emblem of hope and healing for me, offered a plethora of healing exercises, as well as numerous examples of people who had overcome their abuse. The authors, themselves, who are both survivors, were also a great source of inspiration. Though I never met them, I felt inexplicably connected with them, as I made my way through their 600-page tome. Sometimes, it seemed as though they were right there beside me, cheering me on, saying “you can do it, girlfriend: keep going. Don’t let anyone stop you.”

At that time, there were only a couple of websites you could visit to commiserate with other survivors, but today there are tons of online resources for people dealing with abuse and any other transition imaginable.

Today, as a coach, I encourage my clients to seek out an extra dose of inspiration, whether they are healing from child sexual abuse, dealing with the loss of a loved one, or navigating any other challenging life transition. While I certainly provide them with plenty of encouragement, as their coach, I believe there’s no such thing as too much inspiration!

Below is a short list of inspirational resources (listed by transitions) I often recommend to clients who are dealing with difficult transitions. But please don’t be limited by this list.  Explore the Internet and your local library and bookstores to find some resources that resonate with you.

Inspirational Resources

Transcending Childhood Abuse

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, By Laura Davis and Ellen Bass. (See description above).

I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse– Featuring a number of moving testimonies by survivors of child sexual abuse—edited  by Ellen Bass, co-author of The Courage to Heal.

Freedom’s Just Another Word, By Dan L. Hays – An inspiring memoir, set in Houston, Texas in 1987, about healing, hope, and forgiveness in the wake of hismemories of childhood abuse.

Minute to Freedom: http://www.radiokevin.com/minutetofreedom.htm – One minute audio segments by author and speaker Dan L. Hays that help people transcend their difficult childhoods, one minute at a time.

Dealing with Illness and Healing

Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence, By Matthew Sanford – An inspiring story about hope and healing that chronicles the journey of Matthew  Sanford — from when he awakens in the intensive care unit of a hospital after a car accident that killed his father and sister —  to becoming a paralyzed yoga teacher and founder of a nonprofit organization.

Choosing to Be: Lessons in Living from a Feline Zen Master, By Kat Tansey – A wonderfully inspiring book that revolves around a wise Maine Coon cat named Poohbear Degoonacoon, his kitten muse Catzenbear, and author Kat Tansey, as they take the reader on a challenging and oft times amusing journey from the disorienting haze of depression to the freedom and clarity of Buddha mind.

Insomnia Relief Recipes, By Kat Tansey http://www.insomniareliefrecipes.com/

– This unique sleep program, created by Kat Tansey, is the result of the author’s personal quest to overcome insomnia. After spending many months researching the roots of insomnia and the nature of sleep, she was able to create her own unique recipe for regaining her confidence and learning how to get the restful, restorative sleep she needed, no matter what the circumstances. After realizing how pervasive insomnia truly is, she decided to develop Insomnia Relief Recipes to help others get a good night’s sleep. She used everything she learned from her research to put together a comprehensive program, complete with audios and videos, that will help you create your own, customized Insomnia Relief Recipe.

ShareWIK: http://www.sharewik.com –- A warm and inspiring online community in which experts dispense information about health and healing, regular columnists share their experience and knowledge, and people on the path to wellness gather to share what they know.

Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One

From Heartbreak to Happiness, By Aurora Winter – An intimate diary that reveals a single mother’s journey of tragedy and triumph after the sudden death of her 33-year-old husband.

The Year of Magical Thinking, By Joan Didion –  Author Joan Didion chronicles the year following the death of her beloved husband, fellow writer John Gregory Dunne, from a massive heart attack in 2003, while the couple’s only daughter, Quintana, lay unconscious in a nearby hospital suffering from pneumonia and septic shock. While some may find this book less than inspiring, because of its rawness, I found it particularly inspiring and cathartic.

The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death Divorce, and Other Losses, By John W. James and Russell Friedman – A wonderful guidebook to help you navigate your loss and make you realize that time does NOT heal all wounds, but that healing is possible, if you take the necessary action. The book was inspired by the authors’ personal losses.

General Inspiration

Inspiremetoday.com, By Gail Goodwin: http://www.inspiremetoday.com - – Free daily inspiration, designed to remind you that you have the power to create anything in your life you desire. A great way to start your day.

E-couragement,– Daily encouragement delivered to your email inbox by Thomas Waterhouse, a counselor in Tampa Bay, Florida, who believes that “Hearts filled with courage can rise to any challenge.” Sign up here: http://www.simpleencouragement.com/eCouragements

SO who or what inspires you the most?

What are your favorite inspirational books, movies or websites, and why?

Are you dealing with a challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/yc7meqo to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

Note: This was the second in a series of posts on inspiration. In my first post, I talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with inspiring, positive messages during difficult life transitions. And today, as promised, I discussed some other types of inspiration, designed to provide you with hope as you travel this new life passage.