By Ellen Brown

When we’re dealing with difficult life transitions like job loss or the death of a loved one, it’s not uncommon for us to focus a little too much on the past and the future. We may ruminate about the day our supervisor delivered the bad news. Or we may obsess about how we’re going to make ends meet without the help of our life partner.

Experiencing these feelings is natural, and I certainly wouldn’t suggest that we try to bury them. But there’s something to be said for balance and bringing ourselves back to the present moment, and being with “what is” today. At a workshop I recently attended on Complicated Grief, the featured speaker, a grief counselor for the Hospice of the Western Reserve, highlighted that point.

The presenter talked about how people who are faced with the sudden death of a loved one, experience a great deal of pain, and need to learn how to live with the pain, rather than pushing it away or self medicating themselves with alcohol or drugs. She recommended a number of helpful strategies, including staying in the present moment, which she said helps ground us in our current reality and is the key to bringing more joy into our lives.

What she described really resonated with me and surprised me.  While I’ve been practicing the art of living in the present moment (sometimes known as mindfulness) for years, with the help of books by great spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh, I hadn’t really thought about the connection she was discussing. I hadn’t really considered how we often live more in the past and future, when we’re navigating difficult life transitions. But it’s true, and I’ve certainly witnessed that tendency in myself and in many of my coaching clients.

It’s understandable that many of us feel anxious and in pain when we focus on our regrets about the past and our fears of the future. But when we shift our attention back to the here and now, and listen, really listen to the Robin singing just outside our window or allow ourselves to savor the delicious meal set before us, we often feel more peaceful and happy.

By the way, I’m not suggesting that mindfulness is a happy pill. But it can be a helpful tool to have in your toolbox. So, if you’re dealing with a difficult transition and notice yourself slipping into the past or future a little too often, you may want to try this exercise to help you return to the present moment:

Take a few deep breaths, noticing the rise and fall of your belly. Feel your feet against floor. Look around you. Notice what you see. Reach out and touch something and notice how it feels.  Become aware of the sounds around you. You’re now in the present moment.

Please keep in mind that learning to live in the present moment is a process, so be gentle with yourself, when you notice your mind drifting. Then take a deep breath and bring yourself back to the here and now.

If you’re going through a tough time, in what way would it be helpful for you to live in the here and now more often?

How has mindfulness helped you in your life?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a comment here on Stepping Stones by scrolling down.

Are you dealing with job loss, the death of a loved one, or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

By Ellen Brown

There’s no doubt about it: losing your job can crumble your self-confidence. While that’s not always the case, it’s often true whether you were fired or laid off, due to company downsizing.

But the problem is this: if you need to search for a new job, having a crisis of confidence can get in your way. Big time!

Such was the case with Colleen,* a successful attorney I worked with a few months ago, as a life transitions coach. Colleen was one of nearly 50 people in her firm who lost her position, due to the Recession. Though Colleen clearly had a great deal going for her, she had a tough time articulating her strengths, and since she had been unemployed for more than nine months, her self-confidence was slowly eroding.

As a coach, one of my goals is help clients like Colleen explore their strengths and successes, so they can feel more confident and present themselves in a more positive light, whether they are networking or interviewing for a new position. Because if Colleen couldn’t name her strengths and describe how her skills could benefit another law firm, there was little hope that she’d be able to do so on a job interview.

Before Colleen could sell herself in a job interview, she needed to feel good about herself. There are a lot of ways to help people re-build self confidence, including visualization and affirmations. But one of my first goals was to help Colleen get a better handle on her strengths and successes. Toward that end, I asked her a series of questions, which I requested she answer in writing, between coaching sessions. Some of the questions focused on work; others explored other aspects of her life.

Here are a few of the questions:

• When, in your life, have you felt the most successful, in general?
• What are the greatest strengths you bring to the table as a prospective employee?

• What were your greatest successes in your last job?

• What lessons did you learn in previous jobs that you can carry forth into your next position?
• Tell me a little bit about when you have felt the most successful in terms of your personal relationships.
• What are you doing in your life today that makes you feel successful?

If you’re dealing with a crisis of confidence, you might consider answering some of these questions. While doing so probably won’t provide a quick fix, it will likely shift your feelings, some. Because when we are focus on our strengths and successes, rather than our “problems” and weaknesses, we generally feel happier.

If you’re dealing with job loss, how has your outlook on life been affected, if at all?

What have you done to boost your self-confidence?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by scrolling down and leaving a comment, here, on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with job loss or another challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://www.ellen-brown.com to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

* The name of my client was changed to protect her identity.

By Ellen Brown

I work with a client named “Sarah,”* whose friend thinks she’s “crazy” for joining a job club. “Why would you want to hang out with a bunch of unemployed people?” she asked Sarah one day. “Isn’t it depressing?”

“Actually, the people in my group are great,” Sarah told her friend. “They encourage me and support me. And I always feel better afterwards.”  Unlike her friend, who obviously has some “issues” with people who are unemployed!

I was so glad to hear that Sarah was benefitting from her new job club. I’m a big fan of these clubs for all the reasons that she described.

In case you’re not familiar with career clubs, they’re venues where you can let down your hair and share your job-hunting experiences and encourage one another along the journey. Some are held at libraries or churches or synagogues, while others are less formal and meet in participants’ homes.

Research has shown that job clubs can help people:

• Feel less alone
• Boost their confidence
• Accelerate their job search
• Talk about their feelings so they don’t bottle them up
• Share strategies for finding a job that’s a good fit
• Discuss the ups and downs of their search
• Fine tune their resumes and interviewing skills
• Celebrate their successes
• Stay on track
• Be accountable when it comes to networking and applying for jobs

If you’re interested in joining a job club, here are some suggestions for finding one that’s a good fit for you:

• Check your local newspaper for listings in the business section
• Visit your local library, which may offer job clubs as well as workshops on resume writing and interviewing
• Look for notices in your community newspaper’s calendar of events
• Check out Waggleforce.com, an organization dedicated to helping people get back to work, through the power of career clubs: http://www.waggleforce.com/
• Google “job clubs” and add the city in which you reside
• Get in touch with outplacement firms, which may sponsor job clubs or be able to refer you to groups in your area

How has a job club been helpful, or not so helpful as you’ve looked for a new position?

What limiting beliefs do you have that might prevent you from joining a career club?

I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please join in the conversation by leaving a comment here on Stepping Stones.

Are you dealing with a challenging life transition? If so, I’d love to help out. Visit my website at http://tinyurl.com/yc7meqo to sign up for an introductory coaching session or a coaching package that’s right for you. Since coaching sessions are conducted by phone, I can work with clients anywhere in the world.

Ellen Brown is a certified professional coach, based in Cleveland, OH.

* The name of my client was changed to protect her identity.